whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
