why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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