One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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