stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
