why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I've blown a few things in my day
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
