He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
