we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
