so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
