if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
