I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
