I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
