So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
