After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
