Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
