I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
