i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
