so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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