Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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