Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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