party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
