Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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