please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
