you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
