Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
