i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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