i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize