Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I skipped work to stalk him.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
