I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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