Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize