I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
