Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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