do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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