Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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