ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
