he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
