I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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