How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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