just tell him i said nine months
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
