Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
