why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
