if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
