In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
