well I can't set my house on fire every night
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
