and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my phone needs a breathalizer
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think your dad took our porno
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
