Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
