Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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