Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
