walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
