They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
