Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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