When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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