Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
