I didn't shave. On purpose
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
