i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I am naked and annoyed.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
