It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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