sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
