The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
