wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
