Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize
