I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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