Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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