We named our party play list daddy issues
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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