I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize