just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
