is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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