you guys were way drunker than both of me
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
